What have I learned in the past month…
This birthday month was filled with love, growth, self discovery, progress and spiritual transformation. I am beyond honored to walk my path of enlightenment ,it has truly been my life’s greatest miracle. Life is ever flowing like a river, nature really is our teacher, healer, friend & family. This month fire, sun & the truth have been a rabbit a hole I dared to go down. Seeking the RAW, HONEST & OPEN TRUTH OF MY PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE was exactly what I was ready to clear for the my New Year. Thank you all my family, friends, BF, soul tribe and amazing intuitive healers who have blessed me with their presence. Let me begin by sharing what my month has looked like…. I celebrated my birthday week with friends & family , had a blast at Mamby on the beach, SAW AMMA :) , enjoyed a magical Cocoa Women's Ceremony lead by a long time soul sister from my Peru training, took on the water with my boyfriends new toy jet ski, participated in an abundance ritual for 2 weeks, enjoyed going hiking with new friends & received 3 healing sessions that revealed much wisdom, truth, compassion, grace, acceptance, freedom, understanding & balance.
“THANK YOU.” THANK YOU.” THANK YOU.”
My birthday week was very different than my past decade, this year I am sober & do not typically find the things I use to do to be fun such as going out getting a table & bottle service. I still love to dance, laugh and have a good time but in other ways such as enjoying nature, good food and loving company. One thing I do know is I did have all that on my annual “LAKE MEAD BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION.” When I lived in Vegas with my friends & sister every year we would go boating & enjoy the warm West Coast weather & BBQ but this year was different I am in Chicago. I felt many ups & downs earlier this month since I have been missing my sister & friends, I knew they wouldn’t be here to celebrate. Plus in early June it is still cold, cloudy & rainy in the midwest I wasn’t able to plan my birthday ,"my way”. It really taught me the importance of letting go of things I cannot control. Instead I played it by ear for my activities for the next few days & ended up spending quality time with friends. I enjoyed an amazing dinner with my friends and family, gazed at the Lakefront view on a hike in nature & enjoyed the botanical gardens.
Gratitude is essential to feeling happy & abundant no matter where you are or what situation you encounter. It couldn’t have been any better timing for my soul tribe sister from my Reiki Master retreat to share with me an abundance ritual that she participated in some time back. I got lost in a whirlwind of negative emotions, judgements, thinking & acting earlier this month upon feeling defeated. I am ready for independence, my dog & my own space again, it has been 8 months since I moved & quit living a toxic lifestyle. During this transition I didn’t allow fear of money or asking for help in times of new beginnings to hold me back from creating what my soul & heart knew I was worthy of. I was missing one very important message.... What was my subconscious mind saying? What are my actions & reactions? Am I holding myself accountable? How can I look at my situation differently?
This ritual lead to opening many doors of opportunity, friendships, community, compassion & awareness. The power of self discovery can perform any miracle we can dream of. I choose to look at my core values & beliefs by fueling my fire to burn away all old false truth and illusions that once kept me safe, secure and protected. This even means my truth of my past relationship with money & how did I use the gift of abundance to create it? As I did the inventory work the universe began to reveal much light, love and joy on my magical carpet ride towards my heart desires. I journeyed on my the path of truth, love & compassion. Comforted in Spirit's love while be guided towards grace & ease. Spirits messages nudge me to be reminded of the importance to have faith, trust and act with love.
“Choose to see love and not fear, love and not hate, love and not anger.”
I have much respect & appreciation to have had the honor to receive Amma’s hug once again, she has gifted my life love, miracles & blessings beyond belief. Last year I saw Amma for the first time when my brother was fighting for his young precious life after a traumatic car accident. A very dear friend of mine opened the golden doorway of hope to us in a time of such darkness & despair. Only after a few long days of my brother being in his coma she came and visited with us, we prayed together, sent him love and trusted in the God's miracle. That day we witnessed our first miracle on his long road to recovery, last year at the hospital we watched him move his head 3X on command. The doctors still haven't had the opportunity to witness this beautiful glimmer of hope but our parents & siblings did by the grace of GOD! During that visit she then remember the word ,“AMMA!," during her bathroom break. She ran out with excitement in offering the gift of sharing the message that Spirit was nudging her to remember. Thank you for being such a beautiful channel of light & love. My step mom, sister and myself set out on a mission the next day to go see this women that my friend was so deeply inspired and moved by.
ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS, "WOW! What a blessing!”
We received her hug feeling emotionally heavy, tears, fear, worry, no sleep, but remained determined to return her LOVE to him while we watched him lay there on life support. The next thing I am going to share with you was the 2nd miracle we witnessed. The next morning after returning from seeing Amma my brother Michaels head swelling went down to a safe zone after sitting very high for multiple days with no sign of hope & only bad news from the hospital staff.
Thank you LOVE! For you are the power that has the ability to move mountains!!! Amma is such a gift to this world ,she is a beautiful vessel of love and compassion. In just one year not only has my brothers recovery progressed tremendously but I to have cultivated much change for the better in my life. The universe continues to gift me countless miracles. This year I was able to return my appreciation for Amma with gratitude for her blessing and the intention to install compassion in my voice of truth. This is the year of finding my voice, channeling my gifts for the better good and sharing a long dormant passion of mine to learn how to sing. I know in my heart my journey will be filled with love, compassion and joy, I have done the hard work it is time to move with grace and ease.
“I LOVE YOU, I’M SORRY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME, THANK YOU!”- Ho’Ponopono healing prayer has been a beautiful heart, forgiveness & karma clearing ritual that was shared with me from a deeply respected intuitive healer; I spoke to 2 years ago before my Peru journey. A sweet friend of mine gifted me a healing session with her for my birthday. She shed much light my shadow that still desperately wanted to live on in my ego. The truth of my power, belief system, confidence and a couple blockages that required some shifting! The power of how we speak our intention is strong… Do we speak from a place of confidence or false truth? We must EMOTIONALLY feel our words to directly to produce that vibrational frequency we would like to attract.
What does our belief system tell us & why am I blocking myself? This is a very important question we should ask ourselves.
Sugar has been a big red flag of something I need to let go of with grace & ease. I am aware of the importance of my health being in my wealth so why do I choose to nourish my Spirit with cheese, cookies and carbs? I know my body was telling me STOP IT! With acne breakouts, mild form of candida and anger & frustration. When I don’t fuel my body properly I notice I am more negative due to harboring guilt after indulging in my midnight snack of chocolate. Thank you for bringing my belief system to my awareness & the importance to not only be in service to healing others but also to remember to be in service to my healing too. Which lead me to instantly feeling uplifted, positive and shifted back to the mindset of being a creative creator not so much of what do I need to do today. For a moment I got lost in the fear of financial worry, independence and wanting out of my parents house so bad ,I was directing all my energy towards what I don’t want by only creating more of that. How we allow our perception to control our outward reality is a choice of either freedom or restraint. Thank you for your wise words ,revealing the truth of the importance of how I speak my intention into existence. Our words really do create our outward reality! I choose words that reflect the mirror image of my belief system & express that from a place of love.
I bath my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual body in the sun. Mother Nature’s is another great healer of ours, I allow the elements to burn away fear, worry and doubt. The Sun’s fire fuels my soul with confidence, strength and balance in my Masculine Energy. Harmonizing the female & male is essential to moving back to state of oneness within myself. Developing confidence in the language of love & compassion strengthens myself to speak from a place of being kind & graceful.
Merging the two poles this month has been surrounded by much knowledge, guidance and healing.
I am beyond appreciative to have participated in my 1st all Women's Cocoa Ceremony lead by an old soul sister and a couple of other beautiful women, I met on creative project endeavor earlier this year. Joining with me for their 1st time ever Cocoa Ceremony was two of my girlfriends who are fairly new to the healing path, they have known me since before my transformation.
We drank Cocoa, we sang, breathed together, cried and held space for one another. During this process as I laid there in holo-tropic breathing for some time I began to drift away to the Great Void. My body started to feel heavy and resisted lifting up past the old pain of experienced trauma.
Abandonment issues has been of those lower emotions that I set the intention to release last year. I have not given power to the old stories in quite some time now since quitting drinking but I was unaware that somewhere inside my body this old pain still fights to live. Beginning to reveal itself this month in my intimate relationship I had a nightmare of old past stories, I knew clearing needed to be done so I can strengthen my male relationships. Yes it’s important to heal the wounds with with your mother but it is also just as important to heal them with your father as well. These wounds will live on and affect your personal intimate relationships with your partner if you choose to. The only way to remove this block is to surrender, love & accept it, not so much battle the old but send it love. I then trusted in letting go, purging and freeing the trapped emotions. In doing so I am able to free my truth to speaking in a more loving way by understanding my past reactions that once kept me protected.
Speaking my truth from a place of vulnerability & not self armor has been a big shift in my present reality. Choosing to not argue and engage in lower vibrations such as gossip, proving myself right when I feel unheard and misunderstood or not respecting my own personal boundaries that I wrote about earlier this year in January. This is the time I move from the maiden to the crone ,as I shed much light and wisdom to my truth. May I fully listen to others and in return be fully listened too. Communication is two way street, I open conversations in a kind manner by breathing and thinking before reacting. I find forgiveness for my past dancing career by having the courage to admit to myself the times I used my truth for greed, lust and manipulation. I send love to the times I have spoke my truth with a sense of false pride, arrogance and cockiness, I shift these lower energies to humility, truth and wisdom.
My compassion of truth resides in my ability to remain humble and judgement free. We truly do mirror the unliked parts of ourselves in others, I choose to mirror the good in all of us. I remove guilt, anger, judgement & frustration by letting go of old eating habits that don’t support my happiness. At all times I am connected to the wisdom & communication within myself. There is much power in trusting my intuition as I allow her to lead me in a positive direction that supports my path of ascension. I open my arms to receive love, health, wealth and self expression, these are the four main areas of my life I find freedom in being balanced. I have faith in removing the old cords wrapped around my arms and hands that did not serve my highest good. I do not regret the past choices and actions but I embrace all parts of who I am. The true beauty resides in accepting the light and the dark in everything living, we are all one.
“YIN & YANG.”
“LIGHT & DARK.”
“POSITIVE & NEGATIVE.”
“HAPPY & SAD.”
“LOVE & HATE.”
“RESISTANCE & GRACE.”
“COURAGEOUS HEART & FEAR.”
What do you choose? Higher vibrational thoughts, patterns and actions or lower energies? We truly get to create our own outward reality, you are one thought away from love. I hope you have a beautiful day & may your heart be filled with love. Sending much love & blessings.
5 REIKI PRINCIPLES
Just for today I am grateful for my many blessings.
Just for today I will love myself and every living thing unconditionally,
Just for today I will do my work honestly.
Just for today I will not anger.
Just for today I will not worry.
( Malibu , California MAY 2017 , REIKI MASTER RETREAT)